Alchemist's Pen

Because I Was Sure

I never could embrace silence except when cast in our shared light of moon,
as our quiet moments 
became the new 
notes of a
favorite tune. 

But we echoed the chorus 
of our laughter in time 
and time again,
.Pinnacles National Park





and I heard our words as timeless lyrics written in the stars, if not by pen.





I found my only true rhythm when we joined the cadence of our hearts









and I could sing only our 
duet in concert, but then,
I couldn't well cover both parts.

Yet the soundless warnings in 
your missed cues 
never reached 
beyond my ears,













Half Moon Bay, CA














because I was sure our music would out play discords over endless years.





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The whole of our stride, I felt greater than some steps I didn't quite like,









so I wanted to climb 
every hill with you 
and finish 
every meandering hike.

Though you would lay 
every stumble of your feet 
down to mine instead













Yosemite National Park











for had on a memory twisted and turned on what I may or may not have said





and a toe, I had or hadn't just right, came the worst put wrong you ever knew;









still, I stood willful to
cross, winded, yet again,
the bridge too far to you,

until we could finally walk, 
side by side, 
hand in hand, 
all our miles together,













San Francisco, CA














because I was sure then we would lean in to traverse all next hard ones better. 


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As each last portal seen as a way past proved the illusion of a cold stonewall,









I scoured them still for 
another key hole 
to unlock 
the still rocky long hall. 

For I saw the light on 
the other side to be brighter than 
our passage was dark













Montjuïc Castle, Barcelona, Spain














and all we already toppled, yet more flint for my faith-fueled stubborn spark.

So though our pounding on avenging barriers left us battered, black, and blue,









I thought the one door 
forever open to me 
would be to 
my home of you

and there would never 
be a potential gate key we 
would ever leave unwrought,













Hever Castle, Kent, England














because I was sure we couldn't come so far to let the exacting tolls be for naught. 


......................................................................................................................................................


But you can’t want a want deeply enough to turn it into a have, 









and you can’t believe
 a belief fiercely enough 
to turn it into a fact.

So the one time 
 I can ever say 
never, is 
never say forever is sure,













King Arthur’s Seat, Edinburgh, Scotland














for a fantasy can still be a myth no matter how epic the allure.

And I divined our pages’ false, until ours waiting on end, failed this test of fire, 









and that its ink
 alone 
didn’t burn 
to ice
turned
 my heart
into
 its own 
pyre.

So I learned 
well their 
lessons 
taught 
in ways 
both 
harsh 
and long,













Preston Castle, Ione, CA














because the only thing I am now sure of... is that I can be sure and wrong. 





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